The Gospels contain a fairy- story, or a story of a larger kind which embraces all the essence of fairy-stories. They contain many marvels—peculiarly artistic, beautiful, and moving: “mythical” in their perfect, self- contained significance; and among the marvels is the greatest and most complete conceivable eucatastrophe. But this story has entered History and the primary world; the desire and aspiration of sub-creation has been raised to the fulfillment of Creation. The Birth of Christ is the eucatastrophe of Man's history. The Resurrection is the eucatastrophe of the story of the Incarnation. This story begins and ends in joy. It has pre-eminently the “inner consistency of reality.” There is no tale ever told that men would rather find was true, and none which so many sceptical men have accepted as true on its own merits. For the Art of it has the supremely convincing tone of Primary Art, that is, of Creation. To reject it leads either to sadness or to wrath.

It is not difficult to imagine the peculiar excitement and joy that one would feel, if any specially beautiful fairy-story were found to be “primarily” true, its narrative to be history, without thereby necessarily losing the mythical or allegorical significance that it had possessed. It is not difficult, for one is not called upon to try and conceive anything of a quality unknown. The joy would have exactly the same quality, if not the same degree, as the joy which the “turn” in a fairy-story gives: such joy has the very taste of primary truth. (Otherwise its name would not be joy.) It looks forward (or backward: the direction in this regard is unimportant) to the Great Eucatastrophe. The Christian joy, the Gloria, is of the same kind; but it is preeminently (infinitely, if our capacity were not finite) high and joyous.
But this story is supreme; and it is true. Art has been verified. God is the Lord, of angels, and of men—and of elves. Legend and History have met and fused.

But in God's kingdom the presence of the greatest does not depress the small. Redeemed Man is still man. Story, fantasy, still go on, and should go on. The Evangelium has not abrogated legends; it has hallowed them, especially the “happy ending.” The Christian has still to work, with mind as well as body, to suffer, hope, and die; but he may now perceive that all his bents and faculties have a purpose, which can be redeemed. So great is the bounty with which he has been treated that he may now, perhaps, fairly dare to guess that in Fantasy he may actually assist in the effoliation and multiple enrichment of creation. All tales may come true; and yet, at the last, redeemed, they may be as like and as unlike the forms that we give them as Man, finally redeemed, will be like and unlike the fallen that we know.

- J.R.R. Tolkien

Like the fans of anything I don't really understand, soccer fans can be very annoying. When the World Cup rolls around, soccer fans become nearly insufferable. It isn't the enthusiasm for their chosen team (by the way, if you're an American, and you rooted for England last weekend, you're a jerk). It isn't the hullabaloo and buzz, or the 24 hour coverage. What makes soccer fans positively unbearable this time of year is the daily insistence that soccer is, without a doubt, the greatest sport in the universe. Arguments over sports are almost always useless, but nothing is more futile than trying to convince a true believer that soccer might not be THE greatest achievement in human history. Besides not listening, the soccer fan will often go on to defame all other sports, and will usually take a few pot shots United States (the only country that doesn't seem to "get" soccer).

I won't argue that soccer is a stupid sport. I have trouble understanding how a 90-minute game that frequently ends in scores of 1-0 or 2-1 (or a TIE?!?!?!?) can be all that exciting, but I've watched my little brother long enough to recognize some of soccer's nuances, and I think I have cultivated a modest appreciation of the sport. So, this post isn't about how soccer is horrible, or how it isn't a great sport. This post is simply a blanket response to a few of the most common arguments used by soccer-is-the-best-sport types. If anyone is offended, the problem is most likely yours.

Argument #1: Soccer is THE Global Sport

It's the same argument baseball fans use when they say "Baseball is the American pastime" (something, by the way, that isn't true anymore), just on a larger scale. Besides being an informal fallacy, the argument doesn't carry much weight with me because I have a generally low opinion of humanity. It wasn't so long ago when public executions, Gladiatorial games, and mass ritual slaughter were favorite pastimes all over the world. Nobody today would argue that watching slaves fight to the death in a piping hot stadium of bloodthirsty Romans was a particularly fine moment in human history, let alone that Gladiatorial games were the best sport of the classical era.

"Most popular" does not necessarily equal "best." Apply that line of thinking elsewhere and Back in Black is the second best album of all time.

Argument #2: Soccer Takes More Skill Than Other Sports

This argument is absolutely unprovable, but it's true that soccer players are highly skilled. It's truly amazing to watch. I'm impressed by my little brother, and he's 12. But even supposing they are right, and soccer really does require more skill than any of the major team sports, it doesn't follow that I should appreciate a midfielder more than, say, a defensive tackle. Who watches decathlons for fun? Are the qualifying heats in Olympic speed skating more exciting than the college football National Championship or the NBA Finals?

Argument #3: Soccer is Constant Action

This argument doesn't carry much weight with American audiences, because all of our major sports have a lot of stops. A baseball game can go on for 4 hours and have maybe 20 minutes of real action. A soccer game is 90+ minutes, and almost all of it is constant motion. The stops are quick, relatively infrequent, and don't leave enough time for commercial breaks. The problem, though, is that so much of the "action" is spent in places where scoring is virtually impossible. In football and baseball, every single play has a realistic possibility of ending in points. The fact that a game can go on for 93 minutes of constant motion and still end in a 0-0 tie is absolutely baffling to anyone who has ever watched a Basketball game.

Argument #4: Soccer is a True Team Sport

This is true, and I would actually argue that soccer is probably the most team-oriented of all the major sports. Baseball is probably the least-team oriented, as the Yankees basically buy World Series rings year after year. In one sense, it's very attractive. Soccer has its stars, but the emphasis is on the club. It isn't a sport driven by statistics. People in America were really puzzled when they learned that David Beckham isn't really a scorer. He was, for a few years, one of the most popular athletes in the world, and yet he didn't put up huge numbers.

Americans like dominance. Good teams excite us, too, but our legendary performances are ones in which individuals have performed amazing feats with their backs against the wall. We like names, we like numbers. Maybe to a fault, but I don't think there's ground to say either side is necessarily wrong or right.

Argument #5: Soccer Brings People Together

So did Jim Jones.

Even with these feelings, I'll still be paying attention to the World Cup from afar with moderate interest.

A compilation of last movie scenes:



Reminds me of why I love art. Sometimes it takes a story to remind us of the good in the world, and why it's worth fighting for.