- It's been a couple of weeks since my last post. That's due to the fact that I'm actually kind of busy these days, and also to having no real motivation to post anything.

- This post is on nothing in particular. Consider it a random gathering of thoughts that don't deserve individual posts.

- There has been so much death lately. Maybe I'm just more aware of it, but these last few months, it seems that every week, somebody I'm connected to in some way has died. Nobody close has passed, and I haven't attended a single funeral. Still, I keep experiencing these dull little pangs. Earlier this week, I got the news that a friend from High School was killed in a car crash. He was on drugs, and hit a steel pole at 130 miles per hour. The car just about split in half. I wasn't close to this guy, but Senior year, I had two classes with him, and I considered him a friend. He was one of two people I talked to in my creative writing class. He was very funny, generally cheery, and just a really nice guy. I hadn't seen him since the day we graduated, but he was the subject of several stories I liked to tell.

I'm not troubled by his death any more than would be expected, but it's just weird. People aren't supposed to die at twenty.

- Last week - I think it was last week - I finished Robert Penn Warren's All The King's Men. I feel comfortable saying it was one of the best books I've ever read. It's a political novel that isn't really about politics, and one of the few real American epics. Captivating story, superb prose, and an incredibly deep protagonist. It's worthy of every mushy word I could muster. Go read it.

- At the moment, politics is one of the least interesting pursuits I know.

- I've been meaning to clear up my blogroll. There are sites I need to add, and plenty I should remove. I think about it every time I get on here (which, even when I'm not posting, ends up being several times a day), but just haven't gotten around to it. Sorry.

- Today (April 22) is Dia del oso - the "Day of the Bear." Once a year, Baylor picks a Thursday in the late spring and cancels classes. It's a very eventful day. I have work, but I'm sure it will be fun for every one else.

- April 22 also marks the 95th anniversary of the first successful large-scale employment of chemical warfare. It happened at the Second Battle of Ypres on the field of Gravenstafel.

- If I had my way, I'd begin work on my thesis right now and finish it by Christmas, but there's a lot more to be done. Three semesters isn't a long time, but it doesn't feel like a short time either.

- Some days I look forward to grad school, and others I dread it. I worry that I've already peaked. I think maybe I was just a precocious, somewhat odd teenager who learned what anybody else could have if they had made the time and maxed out early. It's a strange fear, but a real one. Every semester I've convinced myself that I don't really have the talent I need to rise above mediocrity, and every semester I've had a regeneration. I still end up back here, though. It sounds vain, but school is only bearable to me if I believe I am gifted in certain areas. I can't take being average in these areas. I love writing, but am I actually a good writer? I love books more than almost anything, but do I read as well as I need to in order to succeed? Am I thorough enough?

I need to learn to relax about all that, I suppose.

- Another somewhat irrational, but real fear I have is the fear that I'll miss out on love because of school. With three semesters left in Waco, I wonder if I'll get out of here without going on a single date. That's not what scares me, really. I mean, finding someone would be nice, but I could live without if it's not in the cards right now.

What really scares me is the idea that I could meet someone and even fall in love with them and then lose them because life carries us different ways after graduation. It's stupid to worry about things that haven't happened yet and might never happen, but it keeps me up at night sometimes. I don't know why.

- This semester is coming to a merciful end. I have a few papers left and, of course, finals, but I'm basically done.

- I'm ready to go to Oxford.

- Even though money hasn't really been a problem for me the last few years, I worry constantly about being unemployed. I hate searching for jobs, and I hate interviews. I don't like being dependent on my parents for trivial expenses (gas, food, miscellaneous fun-spending, etc.), and I haven't been for almost 3 years now, but I get so uptight thinking about not being able to take responsibility for myself.

- I worry too much.

- Here's something happy:



- Goodnight.